Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Where’s Your Wife?

Can you be too married? Shoot, can you be too single? Last night I went to an industry event sans the wife. It’s a shocker I know but she lets me breathe when necessary. She’s gone to brunches, pillow fights and whatever else women do for dolo. It's funny because it felt like she was with me anyway. People either asked me, “How's married life?” or “Where's the wife?” I didn't mind at all. To the new peeps I even told them how we met.

But when you're married it's good to chill alone sometimes. Don't lose your identity. When we were dating I couldn't wait to see her because a) we were falling in love and b) she was in LI and I was in BK. Now that we're hitched I love waking up to her but know she'll be there when I get home. Some of my single friends lament over not finding the right chick but still hit more butt than ashtray (R.I.P. Biggie). I’m no expert on this marriage thing but all jokes aside you first have to be an individual to be part of a union.

Uno,

Jesús

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Ayo, Where You Live At?


BK Girl: Foxy Brown.

Even though I write for a living my wife, at times, speaks better than me. The Brooklyn in me sometimes pops out and says, “Oh! What up? Yo! Over here, b!, etc.” But hey I can’t help it. I write better than I speak and such is the case for a lot scribes. Even my ol’ college professor, Juan Gonzalez (NY Daily News columnist), is a killer with the pen but silent without it.

Which brings me to the following incident; my wife and I took my pops to the doctor for a check-up. After he meets with the doctor we speak to the receptionist to get info regarding specialists. The girl goes, “Where he live at?” My wife goes, “Excuse me what?” The girl again goes, “Where he live at?” I say, “A couple of blocks from here.” Only later does my wife tell me that she purposely asked what she said because she said it incorrectly. I didn’t see the difference. You see, the girl and I were speaking Brooklynese and my wife is an outsider aka Queens Girl. Is there some slang you use that confuses others, yo?

Uno,

Jesús

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Real World Gets Gully…Sorta

The powers that be at Viacom have green lit the 21st season of The Real World. Sounds like great news until I read the city where it’s being filmed. Yep, folks, it’s BK, home of Biggie and Jay. It’s not that Brooklyn isn’t a good fit for the pioneering reality series but it’s that I have a feeling MTV is not going to show the real BK where real Brooklynites live. My guess is that Williamsburg is on top of the list where New Yorkers who were born in New Hampshire and Kansas will be their neighbors.

If they really wanted to stay true to their title they’d take a page from Chappelle and keep it mad real. Imagine one Latino from Cali, one Latina from Miami, a black guy from ATL, a black girl from the Chi, a white girl from Kansas, an Italian dude from the Hurst and an Asian cat for good balance. They’d all shack up in Bushwick—the real one where Omar lives—and be given the same jobs the locals have (bodegueros, Foot Locker employees, etc.) That would be real…mad real. Will MTV stay true to BK? What do y’all think?

Uno,

Jesus

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cinco De Mayo Is Here & I Don’t Care


You know what today is for me? The start of the work week; Monday, the first day away from GTA IV. But for mejicanos, frat boys and Sex and the City fans it’s time to drink it up for Cinco de Mayo. Truth be told I could give a flying fluck. My roots are Inca and I love me some cumbia but from La Sonora Dinamita. No disrespect to my Mexican homies because they’re not the ones perpetrating it’s some of these non-Latinos. Drinking margaritas and screaming, “Arriba!” It’s like St. Patty’s Day Part Duh.

I’m not down with celebrating with something that is not me. I remember in my junior year in high school I dated a Puerto Rican chick. The Puerto Rican Day Parade was fast approaching and she wanted me to go. I said, “Nah. Ethnic parades are kinda suspect. If you’re a girl you’re bound to get felt-up and if you’re a dude you're bound to get in a fight.” I didn’t go but one of my non-Puerto Rican boys did. I’m not saying you should only attend parades that represent you but don’t go and start waving a PR flag if you’re Jamaican or Mexican or Diddy. So in closing props on celebrating la Batalla de Puebla to my Aztec friends and booo to those who just find it as an excuse to get shit-faced and blurt out stereotypical lines lines “Si señor.” Would you celebrate an ethnic holiday that doesn’t rep you?

Uno,

Jesus