Friday, November 21, 2008

Stuff My Turkey And Mine Too


Once you get hitched the holidays become a negotiation. Unless you married an orphan, chances are you have to discuss which family you’ll be celebrating with. Thanksgiving is a toss-up; you can base it on which mother cooks better or you could do both—dinner at one place and dessert at the next. Now Christmas is the tricky one. As a Latino we do our partying on Christmas Eve while the 25th we stay home and play with any new gadgets we got the previous night. For me it’s even trickier because my father-in-law’s birthday is on Dec. 24th.

Even though it’s the guy’s born day we still split up Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve. The wife always tries to guilt-trip me by saying it’s her daddy’s birthday. While I’m thinking, “It’s baby Jesus’ bday also.” But we stick to the plan and we alternate holidays at different homes. This year I’ll get to see my lil nieces open their presents and get to kiss my wife as the Times Square ball drops in front of the in-laws. Plus, there’s a possibility that the wife, sis-in-law and her parents want to go clubbing afterwards. Oh, the joy! What’s your holiday plan with your mate?

Uno,

Jesus

Friday, November 14, 2008

Willie Colon Would’ve Slaughtered The Latin Grammys


It’s great to hear Juanes won pretty much every Latin Grammy last night. Dude is a huge, pause, talent and deserves all the awards he gets. I didn’t watch much of the Latin Grammys, I only caught Victor Manuelle’s ill performance. It was a ton of Latinos dancing stage with VM improvising, as he always does, with the audience. If a non-Latino would have switched to Univision at that moment they would’ve thought, “I didn’t know In the Heights was on TV!” The showstoppers were a pair of kid dancers who punished the stage with their steps. I suggested to the wife, “If we have a boy I’m putting him in salsa class.” She said, “How about if it’s a girl?” I said, “Hell no! She’s taking karate.”

But I digress. It got me thinking of all the great salseros of yesteryear. Like La Voz, Blades, Willie, Ish Rivera, etc. Had the Latin Grammys been around in the ‘70s those cats would’ve Juanes-ed those joints. Or better yet if Willie Colon was a new artist today would Juanes even have a chance in the “Album of the Year” category? Imagine Ruben and Willie writing about a post-George W. Bush world, Latin American politics, illegal immigration, etc. Shoot some of their songs are still very relevant today (see “Plastico”).

Uno,

Jesus

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Got Milk?


I’ve never been one to shy away from men’s magazines. I’m a subscriber to some (Playboy), have written for them (King), and even been an editor-in-chief (Fuego) to one. But even when I was an EIC of a lad mag I felt weird being at photo shoots where women would have to make to the camera. You always have to straddle the line between sexy and provocative.

I was surfing the web this morning and came across a pic that had to be approved by Uncle Luke. It was on an urban music site and I literally guffawed at the pic. It was of a thick model in a bikini on all fours licking a bowl of milk. WTF!? I can only imagine how the pic came about:

Photographer: I’m thinking you get on all fours, pretend you’re a cat and oh yeah lick this bowl of milk.
Model: Is this real milk?
Photographer: I believe so.
Model: OK, then.

You would think the site is at fault for running the pic but I think otherwise. It lies plainly on the photog and the model. How does being barely naked and licking a bowl of milk for a pic positively advance your career?

Uno,

Jesus

Monday, November 3, 2008

Grandmas Are Priceless; Just Ask Barack Obama


My heart goes out to Barack Obama. He’s on the heels of becoming the first African-American prez in U.S. history and his grandmamma dies of cancer a day before Election Day. Every single person can relate to losing a loved one. My abuela, which I called Mami Maria, also died of cancer. She was a devout Evangelist but never once forced her faith upon me only her love. After my grandpop died at age 39, she was left to raise my aunts and later on her grandchildren.

Unlike Obama’s grandmom, mine didn’t raise me. I would only talk to her via phone and visit her during my summer vacations in Ecuador. But every time I would go down there I would make sure to take care of her: food, money, a hug. She in turn would treat me like the man of the house (I would get the biggest piece of meat). She would always tell me the age-old Latino sayings: “Tell me who you hang out with and I’ll tell who you are,” or “You see their faces but never their hearts.” She wanted the best for me.

The last time I saw her was when I was 19. As tears were racing down her face, she gave me a tight hug as to say, I won’t ever see you again. Assuming I would see her soon I told her to calm down. Next year, we get the call that she has advanced ovarian cancer. Weeks later she was gone. It crushed my family. I know the day I do accomplish one my ultimate goal in life I would want to have Mami Maria there. But more importantly I wanted her there for the small feats (getting a byline) and the life-changing ones (getting married). So what I’m saying is I feel for you Obama. I know this won’t make his pain any easier but he’s got my vote.

Uno,

Jesus